it’s hard and I am terrible at this, still beholding my face as in a mirror from time to time, forgetting it as I walk away.

my heart, my heart my heart.  I feel so many thresholds being crossed in some way, and on weak days the optimism is not enough to continue.  but these days now it seems I can hold some truth from my God in my hand and keep doing my best to lay my anxieties upon him, because he tells us to do that after all.

portentous events keep occurring, seeing my life shaped and molded by some invisible force in ways that I once longed for now arriving in different clothes from places I would not expect.

I can not contain the wonder that is beginning to seep in, and like I said, even on the down days it seems to be better now that I do try to breath out “yes you can do whatever you want. it’s okay and I choose to be okay with it”and breath in enough of the perspective to keep going forward.

This is Jesus. He is life. He is the satiation. I just keep trying to let him be.

conversation with an old friend:
“But I get hung up and confused when I’m trying to figure out how to die to the old man.”
“I’m not talking about him saying go do this or turn left or right. I would describe it as what is protecting self and what is giving it away.”
“That makes more sense.”
“Yeah.”

4.

You say no
to the kings and magistrates,
the chancellors sitting upon shoulders,
sittings upon shoulder
pads of anger -
tolling bells in distances
to which you ought not travel,
calling to the underneath
of what is seen, unseen
until a decree is passed
and your heart
is covered in worms
& spiders, bent hell
on taking you there.

3.

When the night falls
I see everything
so clear
under the moonlight,
though it shines not in this room

And I fall asleep before the Sanhedrin
claiming nothing but what He has
told me; -
dreaming of times
before the creation
of the sun

2.

And now within me
I feel something rising
from the depths of which
I know not
but that it resided
at the dawn of man
when the body of God
would walk in the cool -
like returning home
through a scent
or pulling your name
from the smoke of a dream,
washed upon
by the floods
that came

1.

this, it is here and now that, where,
the battle wages
and we choose which land to live upon,
bobbing our heads above and below
the water,
as the days change,
in and out of our souls beneath
while rays beam above the sea,
even in the darkest rains;-
choosing to negelct the call
of those mermaids singing each to each
beneath the waves,
laying their love song
eternally to death
upon the flesh
that built it.

such mysterious love coming down on me,
this great warmth surrounding me -
so slowly,
so slowly.

songtosing

the God of the universe is in love with me
o how can this be
that this God loves me?

songtosingthroughoutthedayornight